What Do We Owe (Parents) Our Children?

What Do We Owe (Parents) Our Children?

January 27^th, 2012

Rabbi Gary S. Creditor

 

Perhaps it is my heightened sensitivity in these recent weeks, but I found myself intently following the details of the tragic death of sixteen year old Brett Wells, shot in his home in Mechanicsville. As events would unfold, I was invited to join other clergy in a meeting at his high school yesterday (Thursday), even though there are but a few Jewish students. As this subject transcends all boundaries, and because it again was a death caused by a gun, I felt compelled to attend, despite only receiving the invitation on Wednesday afternoon. I had no idea how or if I could personally contribute to the conversation.

 

Indeed I had little to say other than introducing myself and our synagogue and thus bringing our faith community to the meeting. The students are predominantly Christian and Hanover Country does not have a pronounced Jewish population or any synagogue. Yet it is vital that we participate.

 

There was much said at the meeting. The faith communities want to somehow assist the students, parents and faculty to come to grips with this tragic death, the issues that it raises, for their community, their school, and to console each other in their grief. The school needs the faith community's help. It is a formidable task for the local churches. I pray that God will give them the strength and the insight to raise up the broken hearted, soothe their spirits and point to a better way.

 

Particularly because the electronic world allows me to send these words far beyond those in this sanctuary who can hear me deliver them, I want to focus on two thoughts that came to me as I listened to the conversation Thursday afternoon. As I sat to compose this, I chose the title: "What do we – the parents – owe our children?"

 

My first thought is that even if parents do everything right, and I mean everything and I mean absolutely correctly in raising their children, there remains an element of luck, mazal that plays an undetermined role. I don't envy our son raising our grandchildren. How can you possibly protect and insulate them from all the elements of the world, good and especially the bad, that incessantly bombard them? From a commercial from long ago: there is no Gardol shield. No one lives in a vacuum. We need God's invisible help. We need good fortune. We need luck.

 

My second thought, with all the need of luck, we as parents, even as grandparents owe many things to our children. None of my list is creature comforts. None of this is monetary. The list begins the moment are children are born. It continues with decreasing ability to enforce it as they grow older. Our obligation lasts for as long as we live. We teach to our dying breath.

 

We owe our children a value system. The world mitzvah is not translated as "good deed." It is "commandment." There are things that are right and there are things that are wrong. It is not negotiable. It is absolute. We cannot be wishy-washy. We must enunciate that value system clearly, concisely, and consistently.

We owe our children to speak with integrity. It cannot be "do as I say and not as I do." Our word and our action must be synonymous, harmonious, unanimous. We cannot talk about honesty if we are not honest. We cannot demand respect if we don't give respect. We cannot make demands on our children if we don't make demands upon ourselves.

 

We owe our children to be exemplars. There is a song by Rodney Atkins entitled "Watching You." How perfectly does it speak to us today.

"Watching You"

Driving through town just my boy and me
With a happy meal in his booster seat
Knowing that he couldn't have the toy
Till his nuggets were gone
A green traffic light turned straight to red
I hit my brakes and mumbled under my breath
His fries went a flying and his orange drink covered his lap
Well then my four year old said a four letter word
That started with "s" and I was concerned
So I said son now now where did you learn to talk like that

[Chorus one]

He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you

We got back home and I went to the barn
I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
Said Lord please help me help my stupid self
Then this side of bedtime later that night
Turning on my son's Scooby Doo nightlight
He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees
He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
And spoke to God like he was talking to a friend
And I said son now where'd you learn to pray like that

[Chorus two]

He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We like fixing things and holding mama's hand
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you

[Bridge]

With tears in my eyes I wrapped him in a hug
Said my little bear is growing up
He said but when I'm big I'll still know what to do

[Chorus three]

Cause I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
By then I'll be as strong as superman
We'll be just alike, hey won't we dad
When I can do everything you do
Cause I've been watching you

 

We owe our children to give them a strong, enduring, edifying, comforting and demanding faith. Faith gives us a vision of the world, of others, of ourselves. Faith gives us a perspective in order to comprehend a crazy, complicated and incomprehensible world. Faith gives us a community which helps us maintain our balance along the journey, to share our joys and our sorrows, temper the highs and elevate the lows. Faith gives expectations for us to fulfill. We owe something to others. We owe something to our families, our communities and ourselves. Faith sets the bar. Faith gives us a voice outside of ourselves, the voice of the universe, the voice of eternity, the voice of God. It gives us His teachings and His love. How dearly we need them both.

Being a parent never was and never will be easy. It isn't easy being a grandparent, watching from a distance and having to trust your son and daughter to raise your destiny, and be just a presence for them as they face the challenges, different and same that we did. Maybe someday I will write a sermon what grandparents owe.

I pray to God for strength to all those facing adversity, sadness and grief.  

I pray that those who bring lives into this world and those who shepherd them along the way will realize how much we owe them so that they will have long, happy, productive and blessed lives. This is priceless.

 

Shabbat Shalom