What Do We Say To Our Children; What Do We Say To Ourselves ?

Rabbi Gary S. Creditor
April 23, 1999

I'm not sure how to begin this sermon. I'm not sure how to end it. As a father, as a rabbi, as someone who speaks in public forums, as one of us who has listened and read the torrent of words and images since Wednesday, what more is there to say? Yet we cannot pretend that the tragedy of Columbine High School, Littleton, Colorado did not happen and speak about some esoteric or mundane subject. As events unfolded I reflected on my life in public school. We all had some class bully. But I never worried about guns. I never thought about dying, at least not in school. School was safe and secure. That's how I lived, and I'm sure how almost of all of us lived. And that is what we want, nay, expect and demand for our children; for eveyone's children. We also have presumptions about the ethnic and economic status of the perpetrators of violence. We are wrong.

Why are children dying?

What has gone wrong?

What kind of America is this?

What do we tell our children?

What do we tell ourselves?

How can we stop this?

How can we make this place better?

As I look over our children I see shining faces, beautiful voices, wonderful boys and girls. We are conscientious parents. Our children could never do anything like that. Our children could never do such things. I believe that. I believe that the parents of Eric Harris and Dylan Kiebold believed that too. But from this tragedy we all bar none must learn critical lessons and apply them to ourselves, our children, our families, and unite with all segments of society to make this a proper and correct world. There are no real answers. There are only responses. That is part of what we tell our children.

We tell our children and ourselves that violence is wrong. It leads to death and destruction. Speak plainly and clearly. Tell them that there is no glory, no heroism in violent behavior. There is no reason for it, in such a degree, with such viciousness, in movies and in song. We don't look up to evil and violent people. And language isn't innocent. If people say something, sing something, dress in some way, believe in something, it will eventually lead to behaving that way. May be not by everyone, but by someone. It only took two to destroy thirteen lives, and their families, besides their own lives and devastate their own families. In the Torah Esau is rejected because he represents a violent person and Jacob represents peace. King David was forbidden to build the Temple because he waged war, even if necessarily. Solomon his son, whose name means "peace", was a person of peace. God found him acceptable and David his father was rejected. Violence, except in self-defense is always evil . Our society must reject the glorification of violence. We as parents are obligated in the mitzvah of raising our children to know what they are seeing, know what they are singing, know what they are reading, and teach them the path of peace. That is a religious commandment, and we share that perspective with America. As we see our children adopting as their own correct ethical values, then they grow into increased autonomy, their private space. Peace is a mitzvah. Violence is a sin.

We tell ourselves that Judaism forbids absentee parenting. How did those boys acquire what they had, build what they built, made such noise and racket,

without anyone knowing,

without anyone hearing,

without anyone seeing?

Our children, regardless of their age, and we are sharing partners in society. The responsibility is not only theirs. The onus is not only ours. To take these innocent little neshamas from the time they are born and make them into wholesome, positive and constructive adults is an awesome task and divine privilege. No matter how many jobs we work, no matter how many hours in the day, we made these children and we are responsible for their upbringing. That is what we read in the Shema. They grow up and acquire accountability for their actions. They grow and assume responsibility for their behavior, in their own eyes, in the eyes of society, in the eyes of God. That is the meaning of Bar and Bat Mitzvah. Together, parents and children in the home are the building blocks of society. If we are right, if we are correct, then the foundation of society will be firm and stable and correct. Otherwise it will all collapse. In humility I also note that there is the unexplainable: when we do everything right and it comes out all wrong. But that is no excuse for us to act rightly in the first instance.

This is a problem that is not solved with money nor by institutions. Schools cannot become fortresses, with students going through metal detectors every morning. The children must come to the school, wholesome and well behaved. This condition requires time, love, dedication, a strong backbone, and vision. The place is the home. Principals and teachers are educators and not wardens. Otherwise we will never build enough prisons, of which Virginia has already too many.

We tell our children and society, there is no need, there is no inherent right to have guns of any caliber and any size. Guns are not toys. Guns kill. When I went to school I never even thought that there would be guns in somebody's locker bag. Why should they now? This is not the wild and wooly west. Indians are not coming to scalp us in the night. You and I are not fighting criminals on our doorsteps. We are not in revolt against the government.

How, why, are these children getting guns?

How are they getting sawed off shotguns and semi automatic rifles?

There are circumstances and people who are entitled to be armed for specific reasons. But the proliferation of violent weapons makes a violent society. The number of occurrences of young people with guns and guns used in violent crimes is intolerable. There must be a way to restrict and delimit the presence of guns in society. We must confine guns only to those who absolutely must have them and rid America of the scourge of guns. We tell our children, stay away from guns. Don't touch them. Don't buy them. Tell the proper authorities when you discover them. Guns kill, and death is forever.

We tell our children that the great sin of these two boys and others like them, is that they hated. We've all been made fun of sometime or other. We learn to take criticism and grow from the experience. The central commandment is "Love thy neighbor as they self." We don't hate others who are athletic and we've got two left feet. We don't consider ourselves superior because we've got money, or we're taller, or we are prettier. We didn't make ourselves tall or handsome, or smart. Each human being is made by God. Each person is special in God's eyes, and in ours, too. It is a sin to hate another person because they look different or sound different or live in another part of town or believe in a different faith or belong to a different political party. The central word of Judaism is "love" – love each other, love our family, love other people, love the world, love life.  

And one last thing we tell our children: Life, even when there are problems, because there is always some problem or another, life is beautiful!!

Don't waste it.

Don't ruin it.

Don't throw it away.

Don't throw someone else's away.

In the Torah God says: "Behold, I set before good and bad, life and death. Choose good and live. That this is ultimate "high" in life.

This is the greatest blessing of all.

This is the most wonderful thing – to live!!!

To see the sunrise

To see the sunset

To be loved by others, your parents,

Siblings, friends, spouse.

To love others.

To make something of yourself.

The greatest thing in the whole wide world – is to live and to love, with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might.

That is what we tell our children.

That is what we tell ourselves.

That is what we tell the world.

With all my heart, I hope and pray that we're listening.

Amen.