Recalibrating Your GPS

Recalibrating Your GPS

Kol Nidrei 5770

September 27^th, 2009

Rabbi Gary S. Creditor

 

[There are many ways I prepare for these Yamim Noraim. Indeed I begin as soon as we finish, listening, reading, watching, for ideas, subjects, events, that are worthy as topics for these days. I also listen to my colleagues, to the sermon seminars from my Rabbinic affiliations. One of them is the Ziegler School of Rabbinic Studies in Los Angeles. They shared a discussion between Rabbis Brad Artson, Ed Feinstein and David Wolpe. I have entitled my distillation of their conversation; "Recalibrating Your GPS."]

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In her search for a position, last August Ruby and I attended the job fair that was held in Chesterfield County. I looked around the huge room that was entirely filled. I could not fathom their emotions, their mindset, their heart pangs as they searched each booth. This year the drastic diminishment number of jobs and economic climate has affected many here, our friends and even our children. There are many questions to ask of ourselves:

            How do we look at ourselves?

            How do we look at life?

            What is the gauge of our being a success or a failure?

            What do we learn about life in times like this?

            And what do we learn about ourselves?

Rabbi Yochanan is quoted in the Talmud to say that while our eyes have light and dark parts, we only see through the dark part of our eye. He teaches us that we grow through the dark parts. We can continue, we must grow through dark days of our lives.

            How do we gauge our self worth?

Everyone at the job fair brought their resumes. Standing before God, standing before the mirror, how would we write your personal resumes?

            Does it only include professional accolades, certified skills and financial gains?

            What else have we achieved in life?

            Do we have a good and loving spouse or partner?

            Have we raised good and decent children?

            Do we have friends and are we a friend to stand with people, give a supporting shoulder, and tender heart and open hand in times of trial and tribulation?

            Do we give of ourselves as volunteers?

This a unique day in the Jewish calendar, dedicated to taking stock of ourselves and what have we learned in the year gone by. What can we learn for the year ahead? Three lessons:

 

I.

 

We learn that we don't know how life will play out.

Rav Saadya Gaon, head of the Babylonian Talmudic academy in the 800's was fired from his position. He then wrote a famous book that still influences Jewish thought and is still read. He was then rehired, and never heard from again. Who knew? Who could guess? Which was a catastrophe for Saadya Gaon? Which was his triumph? Which lasted? Which didn't? Who could predict?  There was no way to know.

Dr. Abraham Heschel wrote a beautiful essay in which he wrote that God speaks slowly one syllable at a time, and then we can only read the sentence backwards, at the end. We, I want to feel, to know, that we, I are not abandoned to the "hand of fate." We, I want to believe that somehow there is some purposeful, meaningful direction to my life, and to believe that God is part of it. In his poetic way, Dr. Heschel teaches us that only at the end of the journey, looking backwards, can our pilgrimage through life be understood and God's hand discerned. As we currently stand at a given trying moment, it is hard to see.

 

One of my famous songwriters, whom I have quoted before, in one of his earliest albums, has a perfect song. Garth Brooks wrote "Unanswered Prayers." In the song, he and his wife meet his 'old high school flame.'

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

However, life did not work out that way. Now he is happily married and has no commonality with the woman he so desired. At the beginning, he was awfully disappointed that God did not grant him his wish. Maybe it even led him to doubt that God heard him, that God cared, that God existed. Only looking backwards, afterwards, he could sing:

 

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when your talkin to the man upstairs
That just because He may not answer doesn't mean He don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

As they parted, and he could reflect at the path already traveled, he had a different comprehension of the journey past:

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And i could tell that time had changed me
In her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all.

And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the good Lord
For the gifts in my life.

Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

 

Can we look at ourselves, at the vicissitudes, the trials, the tribulations, see where we were and where we are, and see how we grew, how we surmounted, how we triumphed, while when standing in the midst of it all, we could never have imagined where we'd go?

 

The best example of this in the Torah is the story of Joseph. Every time he is high, it is the prelude for his denouement. And every time he is brought low, it is the prelude for his ascent. Could Joseph thrown in the pit have imagined he would become viceroy of Egypt? Could Potiphar's right hand man ever imagine that he would be in Pharaoh's jail? Could Pharaoh's right hand man ever imagine that his grandchildren would be enslaved? Could his great-grandchildren ever dream of redemption?

 

My two texts illustrate my point: We don't know how life will play out. But we have to play our part. Like Joseph, like the song, we don't despair, we don't turn inward, we don't give up hope. Perhaps later on, when we can look backwards, we will see God in our journey. Perhaps we will appreciate our inner growth and personal success.

 

II.

 

Life is fragile, life is finite, therefore do the most we can with the days we have. While that sounds obvious, it is truism that is well worth reminding ourselves. We can be oblivious to the simplest truths. Life smacks us in the face, "klopts us en hartz."  Therefore, we need to live life deliberately. We need to make life "an act of will." Again, I turn to Dr. Heschel for insight. He wrote, in the book "The Sabbath" that we, you and I are artists. Our lives are our masterpieces. We stand before the easel with its canvas spread before us. We get to choose the texture of the painting. We get to select the colors and the hues. We pick up the paintbrush, thick or thin, natural hairs or synthetic. We get to paint the masterpiece. And whether we are realists or surrealists, whether it hangs in a museum or the basement, it is our masterpiece. It is what we made out of life. We need to put life together as carefully as we can, because there is an unknown number to our days.

 

A Hassidic tale is told that the Rebbe asks his talmidim, his students: What is the most important moment in Jewish history? They ponder and offer every possible answer. The Rebbe rejects them all. He says the answer is: Now. Now, the moment in which we live, when we can make everything or anything happen, that is the most important moment. The challenge is keep that thought before us daily and use our time purposefully as we paint the pictures of our lives.

 

III.

 

Yom Kippur challenges us to shape our lives.  Perhaps for the first time in our lives we all realize that there are real limitations. I am fond to say what I did in my first lifetime and what I will do in the next, but I do know that I only get this one. I can't be all the different things I dreamed. I love the Star Trek scene in which two ships Enterprise coexist, two realities exist simultaneously. But I know that I only get to live in one reality, which is finite. And thus we make choices, and each choice excludes other options. As we open one door, we close others. The act of choosing shapes us. We can't be everything, have everything, do everything, live everywhere. How and what we choose defines us and gives us our character. That is in our control. Accepting our mortality with that knowledge prodding us forward is the essence of being an adult.

 

On Yom Kippur we have to grapple with ourselves. We have to decide:

            What is it realistic to expect from ourselves;

            What dreams can I have and reach for?

            Which dreams are so impossible that reaching for them will hurt and not help?

            Will I have the courage to persevere and persist?

            Can I forgive myself for that which I cannot do?

            Can I commend myself for that which I have achieved?

            Can I find the wisdom to distinguish between the two?

 

In 1993, Garth Brooks released the following song that is my text, The River.

 

You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores...and

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide...yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

There's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all...yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Yes, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
'Til the river runs dry

Conclusion

 

When I travel, I drive by memory and maps. Ruby bought a GPS. It is an interesting gadget. I really enjoy disregarding its instructions. I know better. I've been down this road before. I will not obediently follow its disembodied voice, male or female. And for all those who have a GPS you know that when you do something different, you know what it says: Recalibrating. I love to make the GPS say that: Recalibrating. It has to come up with a new way. That is what we have to do with our lives. Find a new path. Figure it out differently. Reject the tyranny of GPS and be brave to go off the map.

 

That is what Yom Kippur urges us to do: take the sum total of who we are, what we have become, the limitations of which we are aware, our abilities and our frailties, never give up, never let down, never stop sailing and recalibrate.

 

My prayer, next Kol Nidrei, may we assemble here again in good health, accepting into our hearts the unanswered prayers, sailing the vessels of our lives on endless rivers, and finding in our hearts, souls and faith a true guidance for good and happy lives. Amen.