What Do We Teach Our Children in Second Grade? A Moral Birthright

November 8, 2002
Rabbi Gary S. Creditor

 

I would like to pose a simple but profound question. All these people caught in the scandals of the big and little corporations, the Enrons and World Coms and the like,

What did their parents teach them in second grade?

The origin of mighty oaks trees begins with little acorns. The ceo's of these corporations all had to sit in second grade classrooms sometime or other. In the morning, when their mothers or fathers packed their lunch boxes and drove them to school, when they left the car,

What did they say to their sons and daughters?

I framed this question around second grade and not kindergarten, as a famous author did, because in the second grade they usually start reading, which is really the act of decoding. A child begins to decode the true messages of life when they start to read. So I am asking,

What where the messages decoded by these future crooks?

They have scandalized business leadership and greatly harmed the national economy, and ruined the lives and fortunes of so many people.

What did their parents teach them?

What do we teach ours?

Let me connect this question to tomorrow's sedra of Toldot. Rebecca, wife of Isaac, gives birth to two sons. Esau was the firstborn and Jacob, the second. According to general practice in the ancient world, Esau would normally have inherited the birthright of becoming the family leader after his father Abraham's death. He would receive a double portion of the inheritance. He would have quasi- holy status. Originally the first born were designated to serve in the Tabernacle, from which they were later excused, thus the ceremony of pidyon haben, redemption of the first born. Yet we know the story, that when Esau came in hungry, he cavalierly traded the birthright for a bowl of porridge. The Torah specifically states that Esau spurned the birthright, vayivez et habechorah.

I don't know what Isaac and Rebecca taught Esau about his intended birthright.

Did they talk to him about being a leader?

Did they impart into him their worldview?

Did they imbue him with righteousness?

We have no way of knowing because the Torah is silent. In calculating the Torah's genealogy, we know that Abraham was alive during Esau's lifetime. Here was the man that argued with God for ten righteous men to save a city. Did not the grandfather tell his grandson about "the great debate" he had with God? In its elliptical form the Torah omits this, but I have to imagine that somehow Abraham and Isaac sat Esau down and talked to him about the birthright, the bechorah that he stood to inherit. And yet, yet Esau threw it away for a transient bowl of porridge.

I believe that we as parents owe all of our children, first born, second born, and if we have them, third born, A MORAL BIRTHRIGHT. We have to give them a birthright that they will embrace, nurture and fulfill, not only when they live it home, not only when they go off to college, but that will be their backbone in their careers, their marriages and in their parenting. We owe our children an ethical spine that will not break. We must give them a gold standard that will shine brilliantly and always hold its value. And we begin it at the earliest possible moment, even in second grade, and we don't ever stop, until our dying breath.

Since you know my children, you can always ask them if I am not telling the truth. Let me tell you what I told them from their earliest years, unflagging and unfailing.

Do your homework.

Don't cheat.

Do the best you can.

Fulfill your potential.

I did NOT tell them:

Win at all costs.

Get straight "A's."

"Beg. Borrow. Or steal."

I told them that I could always understand a lower grade. Maybe you didn't understand. Maybe the teacher was not clear. Maybe you didn't study enough. Maybe the material is too much for you. [I remember my college course in statistics.] We can always deal with a lower grade. But,

Don't lie.

Don't cheat.

A lower grade can be good enough. It might be the most you can achieve and that will be fine. I respect your work. We all have limitations. The other is a moral and ethical failing. For that there is no excuse.

That is the birthright I gave all our children, first, second and third. I never tire from being a moral compass and reaffirming their backbone. I told this to them in second grade. I tell it to them in college. Maybe they won't be ceo's. They will be good moral people. That's their birthright.

The Talmud teaches us this very clearly. In the Tractate of Shabbat [31a] Rava says: In the hour that we enter the heavenly gates to be judged, we will be asked: Have you conducted your business dealings in good faith? I might not make a million dollars cumulatively in my lifetime, but I will be able to answer the question. So will my children.

From the sublime to the sublime, in this week's comic strip Peanuts, Sally says to Linas, "The only reason to go to school is to become rich and famous." Linas answers, "Well, a good education can be very valuable." Sally responds with incredulity, "Education?!"

Why do you tell your children that they are going to school?

What have you told them that they are supposed to get out of it?

I told them that they needed to learn the world, develop their minds and thinking, and develop a personal affirmation of values. I sent them for an education and then to find a career.

My youngest is a freshman in college. Now I wait to give this birthright to Ariel our granddaughter. She first has to learn English or maybe Hebrew. Regardless of age, it is never too soon or too late to give our children and grandchildren the most priceless gift of a moral birthright. Maybe they will grow up to be ceo's of major corporations, and when tested, will do the right thing. They will be a blessing to their employees and the world.

The punch line to a long story of Chelm, on how people grow, is: from the inside out. Let me close with a story, not from Chelm, which connects to my theme of educating our children to be moral and ethical adults as their birthright. It is recorded in the book The Gift of Life by Rabbi Samuel Chiel.

When his brother, Rabbi Arthur Chiel, z'l, was a rabbi in Winnipeg, he was invited to a new home for the ceremony of Chanukat Habayit, of affixing the mezuzah with the appropriate prayers, followed by festive refreshments. The lady of the house proudly showed him her beautiful furnishings, and confided that she had been helped by the outstanding interior decorator of Winnipeg. Then the grandmother invited him in to see her room. It was very simply decorated, but along the full length of the windowsill, there were ten pushkes, charity boxes, each one representing a different charity; yeshivot, orphanages, Jewish National Fund, and many others.

"Rebbe," she said, "doss heyst bei mir 'interior decorating.' A Yiddishe harz, tzedokah – dos is unzer 'interior decorating.'

How does a child grow into an adult?

How does a second grader become a ceo?

Let us do good interior decorating. Let us give our children a birthright of morality and the obligation to live ethically, in second grade and in the boardroom.

Amen.